I think im going to throw up on grandma
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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