Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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