So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
