He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize