And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
