I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
