So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
