morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
