I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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