i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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