I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
