My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
