She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
