What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I need water and some morals
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
