just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
