Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is it because I queefed?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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