Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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