we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize