How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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