Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
