dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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