i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
