I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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