That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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