party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
