even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
