Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
