we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
