Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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