Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
