I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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