I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
