You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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