Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
