We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
