I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
