How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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