I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
