I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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