Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
