she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
