I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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