Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize