Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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