So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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