I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
