Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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