ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
