you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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