whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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