matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
