i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am midnight drunk by noon
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
