the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
