you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
