my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
