FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
