i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
