i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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