I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
