Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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