I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
