I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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