there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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