her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
