Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
