his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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