god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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