You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
