So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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