I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I will be naked everywhere
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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