dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
BRING THE BAGELS
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize