plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
