literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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