All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
