We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
