Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
