i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
