i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
