I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize