That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
