This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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