Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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