This is not my ceiling
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
