my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
