yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
