Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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