just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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