One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
