If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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