She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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