i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
