i think my tv is drunk
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
