The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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