Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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