we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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