I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
