It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need to calm my uterus...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
