September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
