got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize