yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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