i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
