So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
