I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
