she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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