I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
