Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
