this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
