If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We need to rekindle our bromance
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
