Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Are we still banned from the library?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
