allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
