Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
