that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
