i would punch a child for taco bell
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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