bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
