That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have peed in a lot of sinks
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
