i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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